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A Nobel Prize-winning poet who survived Soviet hard labour and Arctic exile sits down and writes the funniest love poem a Nobel Laureate may have ever written. A series of increasingly absurd hypotheticals — what he would do if she were drowning, a bird, Chinese, a mirror, a volcano — each one more devoted and more ridiculous than the last.
And then the final couplet, disguised as a punchline, lands with the quiet force of everything that came before it. Brodsky proves that love at its most serious can also be love at its most playful.
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Love Song
If you were drowning, I'd come to the rescue,
wrap you in my blanket and pour hot tea.
If I were a sheriff, I'd arrest you
and keep you in the cell under lock and key.
If you were a bird, I'd cut a record
and listen all night long to your high-pitched trill.
If I were a sergeant, you'd be my recruit,
and boy I can assure you you'd love the drill.
If you were Chinese, I'd learn the language,
burn a lot of incense, wear funny clothes.
If you were a mirror, I'd storm the Ladies,
give you my red lipstick and puff your nose.
If you loved volcanoes, I'd be lava
relentlessly erupting from my hidden source.
And if you were my wife, I'd be your lover
because the church is firmly against divorce.
Joseph Brodsky
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